#14 – Brain Farts Help No One.

Every once in a while I catch myself listening to that voice that I have heard from many people….”You are just too picky.” During those brain farts, I start paying attention to people that I normally would never consider….

  • Oh, he’s gorgeous…..and perhaps he learned from his last drug arrest. Perhaps?
  • Yes, that bare chested picture is making me throw up a little in my mouth….but maybe he is a really good person inside. Maybe?
  • His divorce hasn’t been finalized yet….so he could be ready to date. Right?

NO. No no no and just no!! Fuck no.

Luckily, my brain farts tend to last approximately 30 days, of which, during this time, the Baby Jesus waits patiently for me to regain a clear head and move the fuck on, focused on MY WORTH!!!!

Past a certain age, if you don’t know your own worth, you are fucked, because if you think someone is going to come into your world and show you how amazing you are, you have got another thing coming. That shit don’t happen. It does not happen. And if you think it does, get ready, because eventually, the blanket will be removed to reveal your bare naked ass and you won’t know what the fuck just hit you.

So, the moral here is be picky. Work on yourself.

With age you discover, (and if you don’t shame on you), you are worth having dating standards that expand beyond the fact you are scared shitless to be alone.

Fuck that. Being alone is addicting. It is amazeballs. I get to put my shit anywhere. I can say and do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it.

You may be thinking that I am closing yourself off and you would be right. I am closing myself off to anyone that would not function in my world. Because, I am picky. And by a certain age hopefully, you will truly believe too, that if the right person is out there, he will just fit right in. Easy peasy japoneasy.



#15 – Excuses are worse than allergies.

Chronic lateness is rude.

Chronic lateness is a reflection that a person/s doesn’t care enough to take the measures to show up at an agreed time, that is set aside, to accommodate all parties.

Chronic lateness is a “subtle” message that your time isn’t important.

Chronic lateness is a sign of selfishness which borders on narcissism.

Now don’t get me wrong, I understand things happen and I tend to be annoyingly on time, but after the second or third time being late, that action of lateness speaks volumes to me and I can’t bear to hear another excuse.

If mornings are difficult for you, then don’t schedule appointments for the morning.

If you forgot charge your phone and couldn’t text me, it’s time to grow the fuck up. That shit should be as important as brushing your teeth before going to bed.

If you can never decide on what outfit to wear, here is a word for you – PLANNING – learn it.

If you told someone else to remind you to be on time, aka husband, significant other, roommate…I didn’t realize you still lived with your “mother” and your maturity level is at a first grade level.

I honestly don’t care what the reasons are AGAIN.

Because you are late AGAIN! Repeating the same excuses, or finding new ones, will not develop a deeper amount of compassion for your rudeness within my brain. Excuses always make me internally itchy and really fucking irritated. As you spew your excuses, you are solidifying for me, that I, and the experience we were to have together, wasn’t important enough for you to be on time. So please, just stop yourself, you’ve insulted me and wasted enough of my time that at this point, I truly don’t care. I will just walk away.

And know what? That experience you and I were to have together? That I am continually on time for? Has now become unimportant to me too. So, please, out of the remaining respect for us both, just shut up, say your sorry. Reflect that you realize, if you actually do, how rude your behavior is and you are really going to make a change because you respect our relationship.

If you can’t offer that, then we truly have nothing more to discuss.


#16 – Disassociated BRF saves lives.

So, I’m already feeling very barfy from taking my first of four typhoid pills, when a young couple gets in the elevator with me and proceeds to converse as follows…

“No, I’ve told everyone you were the best at wedding planning….
Yeah, but you were the best at the seating arrangement….
Oh now you have a reputation for being a good planner….
But, you were the best helper at addressing the invitations….”

….and before I could verbally inform this man that he indeed, officially, lost his balls, my brain became detached, and I gently drifted into a disassociated state of bitchy resting face.

imagesUpdate on aforementioned couple : SIGHTED walking two weeks later. As they approached me holding hands, my brain was immediately triggered, and BRF engaged, thus saving millions of vulnerable lives.

Rule # 31 Always check the shitter – aka – Don’t be a dumbass

I just downloaded a list of 53 “General Safety and Awareness Guidelines” from Game Rangers International for my work in Zambia. I was encouraged to read the entire list very thoroughly, as most points, “may be relevant during your stay.” This list includes, but is not limited to, the following: 16. If confronted by any irate or difficult person/s or officials, remain calm and courteous…. 23. Do not attempt to pick up any snake, even if it appears dead. 24. Wear closed footwear at night and be aware that some snakes are more active during dark hours…. 31. Check toilet bowls for any unwanted creatures before use…. 34. Always check clothing and footwear for any unwanted creatures before putting on your shoes…. 38. Avoid swimming or bathing in any river or lake within Zambia due to crocodiles and bilharzia…. 50. When exiting your tent at night, first pause and tune into your surroundings to ensure that there is no lurking danger…. 53. Be aware that lightening is a killer in Africa. During storms avoid: – exposed and elevated places. – conductors. – bodies of water….. So, reading this list, got me thinking about all the warnings my Dad gave us kids during my young years growing up in rural Illinois. This list includes, but is not limited to, the following: – don’t play with the squirrels, they will bite you. You will get rabies. – always keep a shit-hole $100 in your wallet “because you never know.” – use a flashlight to track the dog when you let her out to go poop, a coyote may try to eat her. – a sports game should always be called when there is lightening, because you could die. – when camping, always look into a shitter, because, if there is a snake, it will bite you and we are not going home. Woah, each of these childhood tidbits are still kinda relevant! I feel totally prepared….yeah. Prepared….. ….Totally. images

#17 – Yes, that would be my ass.

As you gather a few years under your mortal belt, hopefully, you will begin to become more and more knowledgable about which of life events are worthy of being labeled “DEVASTATING”. Of course, when you are going through such calamities, these events inevitably feel overwhelming and quite permanent. But trust me, they usually are not.

So, cool your tits.

Yes, these things totally SUCK ASS, and I also, would rather not have to experience any of them as well, but such is life.

So, stand back and gain some fucking perspective. These moments are no more than mere blemishes on the ass that is your life. There are more serious issues than life zits….like hemorrhoids, herpes and/or warts!

Your healing is essentially up to you.

So, stop fucking picking.

And, just so you know, your ass will also grow, along with your perspective.

So, grow the fuck up, pull up those stretch pants, own that big zitty ass and just get on with it.



Someone asked me today if I am scared about going to Africa.

I am.

I am scared.
I am scared about every couple of hours.

But, most of the things, I fear, are things that have nothing to do with traveling to and/or living in Africa.

  • I am scared, I am taking a month off of work without pay.
  • I am scared, my current jobs will be reassigned to someone else during my absence.
  • I am scared, my finances won’t be able to carry me through if I don’t raise enough funding.
  • I am scared, I won’t be able to pay my bills once I get back.

So, yes, I feel fear. Then, I quickly remember, this is not about me. At all…..

  • I remind myself that, fears will never, ever be enough of a reason to NOT become a part of this project. I am going.
  • I remind myself that, Zambia has presented itself to me for a reason. TRUST it. I am going.
  • I remind myself that, my ovaries will never require a maternity leave and/or time off to be with kids during summer months, so I this is minor in comparison. I am going.
  • I remind myself that, it is with an appreciative heart that I am asking my work to be accommodating, so hopefully all involved will be well and understanding. Either way, I am going.
  • I remind myself that, the Universe will bring me what I need, even if whatever that is isn’t what I consider ideal. I am going.

And, just breathe.


My Empathic Loop.

Energetically, I don’t deal with change well. Good or bad, it throws me for a bit of an empathic loop. I am highly sensitive to the energies surrounding me. I can walk into a full room of people, and FEEL, IN MY BODY their energetic vibrations, both good and bad. It’s a curse and a blessing.

  • If you are tense, I can discern it. It’s like pushing tacks into my stomach.
  • If you are unkind or toxic, I can detect your unsettling vibrations. It’s like eating tar and it cools in my chest.
  • If you are sad, I can sense a weight on my shoulders. It’s like carrying around a 10yo on my back.
  • If you have been abused, I can feel your emotional pain. It’s like having a 5lb weight on my chest.
  • If you are happy, I can absorb your glow. Your energy is like tasting sweet vanilla cream.
  • If you are calm, I can take on a more relaxed stance because you are offering yours. Your energy feels me like warm honey.

Once I came to terms with this “Seventh” sense, I began to educate myself and practice ways with which to protect, embrace and understand, what I would eventually see as, my gift.

The key for me, was learning how to decipher which energies are actually mine and which energies are being projected onto my spirit. With practice, I am proud to say, I can now, quickly determine that which isn’t mine. Sometimes, my tears aren’t about what I am feeling personally, but are actually a manifestation of what is being projected by a person who is sorrowful or lonely.

This seventh sense can be draining, but I am ok with that too. I have learned to allow myself a little more time to recover from life hiccups, season adaptations, schedule modifications and the unexpected amendments that inevitably occur in every day life. Some take me more time, others I am over it in a heartbeat. But for me, it’s all progress.

My most profound ways of recouping my energy is rest. Being a serious napper, I invest 2-5 hours in order to recover. I don’t judge it and even though I realize the world may view my needs as lazy, I know what I need. If I don’t identify the existence of energies, allow them to flow and release it, I am hindered in moving forward in my own truth. And afterall, isn’t that what life is all about? 🙂


Suni’s Story: GRI Zambia Orphanage Project

Ok ALL, this video reflects exactly why the GRI Zambia Orphanage project is important. Your donation helps me with my expenses (food, shelter, travel, medical, supplies, visa), AND it goes directly towards the continual care for babies like Suni. She deserves a chance to recover from trauma. Don’t we all?
Click here to donate: https://www.volunteerforever.com/volunteer_pr…/valerie-downs

Suni’s Story