#24 – You can just say NO!

I have been a bridesmaid seven times. Yes seven.

I can confirm that I have never worn any of my bridesmaids dresses again. Ever.I will admit that at first, being asked was flattering gesture – wow you consider me such a close friend you want me in your wedding pictures (of which we all wish would just be burned into oblivion). But when you dissect the whole experience, the wedding is the smaller factor in being asked.

Consider the following…..
As a bridesmaid, you are required/expected to purchase the following:

  1. purchase dress that bride chooses with price starting at $100 and going up from there.
  2. purchase shoes to match dress.
  3. purchase goods necessary to throw bachelorette party/evening.
  4. purchase gift for bridal shower.
  5. purchase hair/nail/tanning appointments for said wedding.
  6. purchase wedding gift.

Let me repeat, I have done this 7 times. Which makes me a bit of an expert and frankly fucking broke!….proving my point that  weddings are huge waste of money for EVERYONE involved.

There, I said it…..a WASTE!

So, as women still proceed with expectations of lavish, wasteful weddings, I have decided to retire from my bridesmaid career altogether. There I said it,  I am done. So, if you are my friend and getting married, do not ask me to stand up in your wedding, because I will say no.

Let me repeat, I will say NO to you.

Call me bitter, whatever, say what you like, I don’t care…..but keep in mind, I still buy bitches gifts. And will attend a great reception.

So bite me – I got bills to pay.

And besides, I gotta start saving up for your fucking babies. Because let’s be honest, we all know that once the dust settles from your wedding extravaganza, the breeding stage begins…..