#17 – Yes, that would be my ass.

As you gather a few years under your mortal belt, hopefully, you will begin to become more and more knowledgable about which of life events are worthy of being labeled “DEVASTATING”. Of course, when you are going through such calamities, these events inevitably feel overwhelming and quite permanent. But trust me, they usually are not.

So, cool your tits.

Yes, these things totally SUCK ASS, and I also, would rather not have to experience any of them as well, but such is life.

So, stand back and gain some fucking perspective. These moments are no more than mere blemishes on the ass that is your life. There are more serious issues than life zits….like hemorrhoids, herpes and/or warts!

Your healing is essentially up to you.

So, stop fucking picking.

And, just so you know, your ass will also grow, along with your perspective.

So, grow the fuck up, pull up those stretch pants, own that big zitty ass and just get on with it.

4aea920e5929d966a36d5e3e8c41aaac

Advertisements

Fear

Someone asked me today if I am scared about going to Africa.

I am.

I am scared.
I am scared about every couple of hours.

But, most of the things, I fear, are things that have nothing to do with traveling to and/or living in Africa.

  • I am scared, I am taking a month off of work without pay.
  • I am scared, my current jobs will be reassigned to someone else during my absence.
  • I am scared, my finances won’t be able to carry me through if I don’t raise enough funding.
  • I am scared, I won’t be able to pay my bills once I get back.

So, yes, I feel fear. Then, I quickly remember, this is not about me. At all…..

  • I remind myself that, fears will never, ever be enough of a reason to NOT become a part of this project. I am going.
  • I remind myself that, Zambia has presented itself to me for a reason. TRUST it. I am going.
  • I remind myself that, my ovaries will never require a maternity leave and/or time off to be with kids during summer months, so I this is minor in comparison. I am going.
  • I remind myself that, it is with an appreciative heart that I am asking my work to be accommodating, so hopefully all involved will be well and understanding. Either way, I am going.
  • I remind myself that, the Universe will bring me what I need, even if whatever that is isn’t what I consider ideal. I am going.

And, just breathe.

18494c9bbb12b2f2bd6d66740221816a

My 1200 lbs. Angel

I owned a horse once.
I was about 26 years old when I bought a horse.

I had been riding for most of my life and had hit the first of many life’s cross roads. My grand life plan was not working. The Universe had decided that the path I was on, wasn’t in fact my path. It had decided to kick me in the ass, as it forced me to realize that everything was not as it should be. My wind had been taken from me, my momentum had stalled, my breathe non-existent and before me was a path that I didn’t recognize.

I was a mess and I felt the Universe had injured me.

I didn’t trust anything.
So, I started to revert back to things that were familiar to me. I started to ride horses again, absorbing their essences, feeling their life forces, and, without realizing it, I had begun to help myself find my road less traveled.

Broker had been abused too. He physically, where my abuse was lifelong emotional neglect. It literally took him almost six months before he would allow me to touch his nose. He was perfect. Just the project I needed. So, I was patient, after all, I was injured too and valued his non-judgement of all my self-perceived issues. I had developed a precise skill of shutting out any human being I felt was a risk, so his hesitance with me was something I could relate to. I didn’t like people either.

Many nights, I would cry into his shoulder, my tears absorbed by his 17 hand shoulder. I think he got used to me crying, because before long, he bagan a pattern of hugging me back, stretching his head around my body resting his chin on my shoulder. Giving me the hug I so desperately needed. The protection I couldn’t find.

I bought him for about $1200.

But let’s be real. Relationships with horses are not all beautiful moments of breeches, hugs, green fields and apples. There are fights, disagreements, protests, confusion, problems, injuries, financial difficulties and poop, lots of poop. You get bitten, pushed, kicked and thrown. Then you get up. You try again. You learn.

Just like life.

Bubba passed away about ten years ago. My soul misses him and yet I live because of him. I am a functioning human being because of him, My Bubba, my angel. Thank you.

Image