I have been crying for the last two hours. Shamelessly crying.
I have no energy to stop, and yet I barely have enough energy to continue. I have showered in the warmest water my skin can bare, as this will sometimes soothe my wounds when I am in this state, all to no avail trying to recover from wounds that I have no proof of. Scars that tend to fester and boil when they are least convenient.
But it is like clockwork….
Perhaps it was seeing the excitement in my parents eyes when they spoke about my older sister’s huge new country home in the mountains, and how amazing it is, because you know, her 70 year old fiance “just loves and adores her” 46 year old ass so much he had to get it for her. “She’s really made it you know. He is really going to take care of her.”
Awesome. And fuck you both.
Or perhaps, my current melancholy could be a direct result from the lack of a pro-active response when I’ve tried to inform my parents regarding a serious and hurtful infraction on the part of a sister-in-law. Because family boundaries have been crossed, apologies are required the seriousness was obvious. I was quick to be reminded that no matter how manipulative or hurtful someone is to me, their daughter, this type of situation really isn’t their business and they aren’t going to get involved. She is family afterall.
Ok so awesome and a big fuck you to me!
And then, there is the general reaction to my obtaining a very important, new well-paying client. Because remember I still can’t fully pay all my own bills and I am generally broke. It will be exciting when your business starts making more money.
Did I mention yet that I am having my period? First day.
Of which, if you know anything about a female period, it basically means that anything you encounter today will set you immediately over the edge, but on a normal day could perhaps be put off for about two months before the issue actually surface into emotion……So, due to my calculation, I am hoping, that the next two months will be a fucking emotional breeze.